Torn

I feel torn today.

Yes, I just recently found out that I have a problem with my uterus.  Yes, it's T-shaped and not the best shape for holding a baby to term.   Yes, I will now always worry if I am even lucky enough to get pregnant.  Will I even be lucky enough to get pregnant?

I have a very small close group of girlfriends that I've scooped through every phase of my life.  I tell them everything.  However, when I envisioned started a family, I never envisioned this.  I figured that I would pee on a stick, see a big fat positive sign, jump up and down and call every close friend and immediate family member.  I always knew that I would tell them right away because if anything went wrong, I didn't want to share 2 pieces of news.  I wanted them to be on the ride with me, just as I would want to be with them.

However, now that I know this information about my risky uterus, I'm nervous.  Do I tell my friends?  What if it's for nothing?  What if I'm making a deal out of no deal? 

But then again...how will I explain how cautious and worried I'll be to be pregnant?  They won't understand why I'm not jumping up and down.  I don't know.  I just feel so out of control on this whole trying to conceiving journey.  First, I thought it would be pie, then I thought getting pregnant would be the hard part, and now I have to worry even then.