7 weeks: Bleeding and Clotting.

Monday 2/18/13:  Today was terrible. HORRIBLE. Shortly after waking up and just before Jeff left for work, I felt a gush of something happen down there. I ran to the bathroom to discover bright red blood falling from me and also when I wiped. To say I was frantic was an understatement. I left the bathroom to tell Jeff when I suddenly felt it again. And this time, it was more. I was hysterical.  HYSTERICAL.  Jeff, too was on the verge of tears as he called the doctor who said we had an hour to come in before monitoring hours were over. 

We didn't say a word the entire car ride (9am) and every time I thought of a scary story or negative thought (or even of the character Celia Rae Foote in The Help) I forced myself to repeat "heartbeat 140, heartbeat 140, heartbeat 140..." over and over again in my mind. I knew that at 6 weeks the heartbeat was 117 bpm so I wanted to conjure positive future thinking for the baby.

At the doctors office (9:15am), I could barely talk to anyone without crying. I was still bleeding. Finally it was time to be seen and the doctor explained what I was going through as a "threatened miscarriage".  I couldn't really process words and just wanted it to be time for our ultrasound.  As I lay back, I stared at the monitor until Jeff and I heard the only thing we cared about: a heartbeat...of 135. My nerves loosened but I was about to learn that the day had only begun.

Back at home, the bleeding continued. I stayed stationary on the couch in "pelvic rest" mode until my parents could get there. The whole time I felt myself bleeding. It unnerved me because I couldn't stop it. It just kept coming. Then just as my parents arrived (1pm) I stood to go to the bathroom. I switched out pads, peed and then suddenly felt a large blood clot fall out of me. It was sickening. I called for my mom (who determined it all blood) and went back to the couch more distraught than ever. The clot seemed HUGE to me; about 1 by 2 inches.  I had read  online of some girls passing small clots, so this did not help my already psychotic brain.  My cramps lessened at this point, but I didn't rejoice and instead sat paralyzed in this same position for 9 hours while my Mom ran to meet her friend who is an amazing midwife to pick up some Herb Lore. 

In the nine hours, I took sepia and sabina on and off every hour to help with the heavy bleeding. I took vitamin E and vitamin C. I drank pregnancy tea. And I prayed and visualized the beating heart of my baby.

It it now 10pm and the bleeding has tapered off to a spotting type but I am so scared. A nurse from this morning called to say that my levels were good (rising appropriately) so as of this second, all I can do is wait and think positively (and pet my dog a lot). My next appointment is set for Monday.  My ultrasound from this morning really resembles a baby, so I am holding onto that as well.

Tuesday 2/19/13: It's still early, but as of this morning (all night until 8:30am) I am spotting. Even though my night consisted of bloody nightmare after bloody nightmare, there has been no more bright red blood. No more clots. I am THANKFUL, but also terrified. What is happening and why?  I am more afraid than I have ever been in my life.

I took a warm shower and will resume my pelvic rest shortly. 

The rest of the day went by uneventfully, besides one clot and lots of brown spotting.