Symptoms

So, unlike most girls who make a list of pregnancy symptoms when they think they could possibly have a bun in the oven, I have a list of "non-pregnancy symptoms" that occur while I know 100% that I am not/could not possibly be preggers.

For instance, today I have the WORST heartburn.  When I say the "worst" I mean that it actually feels like there is a small pool of molten lava sitting in my throat waiting to spill out at all times.  If but a year prior, my younger, less jaded self would easily categorize this as a symptom.  However, I am going through IVF and definitely not with-child.  So, now I know....it's nothing.  And in turn, I now know that it is possible to have such out-of-nowhere discomfort without being pregnant.  

Symptoms like this one remind me that I cannot be fooled when it is time for the waiting game.  Those weird twinges in my belly last month that occured when I was not pregnant - normal.  That strange lower abdomen sensation - nothing again.  And what about that time I thought my eyesight spontaneously became razor sharp out of nowhere only to have me exclaiming wildly,  "IT MUST BE A BABY!" within the confines of my brain - Nope. Nada.

I think that I partly make this list of non-symptoms because I've reached a level of insanity that cannot be helped but also I think I do it for safety.  I can't bare to get my hopes up too much. Too often.

When we first started "trying" (I hate that term - ew) symptoms were actually quite fun.  

"Oh my God Jeff, I am SO nauseous!" 

or

"Some weird crap is going on in my stomach right now."  

Well, guess what? Weird crap = crap.  Bowel movements do not a child make.  Symptoms were a great way to secretly think I was about to get the greatest surprise of my life. Especially since they seemed to change EVERY SINGLE MONTH.  But like anything else that is done over and over again counting symptoms gets old.  Then desperate.  And finally, I just got straight up jaded (as if I need another thing to be jaded about!) as a result.  

When your girlfriend is like, "whoa, my sense of smell is crazy today...what if I'm pregnant?!" all Jaded Laura can ever say back is, "let's take a test," even when I should be saying something along the lines of, "OHMYGOD! YAAAAY! A BAYBEEEE!!!" or anything similar.  To me, I'd rather just know instead of enduring days filled with whimsical symptoms that could possibly mean zilch. I mean, why waste the time living in La La Land.  Right?

Holy smokes, I've just had a revelation:

I...think that I may be a symptom scrooge.

Being any kind of scrooge at this time of year is not cool. Hopefully it's just the meds talking. Seriously, tell me your symptoms, I won't bite. I promise! 

Right now I'm on 100 (down from 150) of Follistim, 5 units of Lupron, and 1 vial (down from 2) of Menopur.  Tonight will be night 10!  Almost at the end!!!!

xoxo
Laura