Spreading the news.

So, I'm not really an announcement kind of girl.  I have a group of close family and friends that I share EVERYTHING with and beyond that, I'm pretty private. Possibly because I can't control people's judgements of me and because if I don't know everything about them, I can't know if I'm somehow offending them in some way.  I'm not really sure.  But back when I was getting married, I had a bridal shower and it was pretty much the most mortifying day of my life.  Just realizing that everyone was there to stare at me. Opening my presents. Watching my reactions. I felt really selfish and it was too much to handle.  I never want to act or say the wrong thing.  It's too much pressure.

That's why it was so very easy for me to keep this pregnancy a secret thus far.  However, this past week we hit our big-deal 12 week mark and it had to be done.  My Dad has been wanting to tell his siblings since we first heard the heartbeat at 6 weeks and my Mom's side of the family is about to see me on Easter Sunday.  The cat had to come out of the bag.  If it didn't, I'd be clinking my fork against a glass at my Grandma's in a couple days and I really didn't want to do that either.  I needed to buck up.  After all, it was only an email.

The first draft was written Monday night but I instantly knew it wasn't any good.  It sounded like a 4th grader had typed it. No emotion. Choppy sentences. Zero flow. I needed to sleep on it. Tuesday, I went back for changes.  In fact I sat there so long on Tuesday that I nearly went crossed eyed and actually had to go lie down from a massive headache brought on by my evil computer screen.  Wednesday, I determined that I had waited long enough!  It would go out Wednesday!  But it had to be perfect. I wanted to touch every-so-slightly on our struggles and then go straight into something so witty and great that everyone could quickly forget my sob story and remember how fun and happy we are about our new little bundle-to-be!  I mean, how do you make something that's such a big deal seem like a big deal without sounding self-centered?  And is a moment of selfishness okay after what we've been through?  But what if someone else was going through some secret struggle too?!

So yeah, it didn't go out Wednesday.  Thursday would have to do.  And FINALLY it did.  I read and reread my carefully constructed 9 and a half sentence email (a single "yay" exclamation counts as half I think), cringed and pressed 'Send'.  Then, I cringed some more, threw my phone in the garbage and went to watch TV in an attempt to forget about the whole thing.  It's true except for the phone part.

After 20 minutes of no responses I began to relax. Sorta. Nobody could think my email was weird, right?  I mean, was it? Did I sound sad instead of happy?  Thankfully, for the sake of my insane brain, a minute later an avalanche of love and happiness flooded our way and I was soooooo relieved.  In my head, I was like, "SEE! That wasn't SO bad!!! Nobody thinks you're an attention starved idiot!"

But I'm still not having a baby shower:) 

My sister made me this while she was in a playroom with her son in Boston.  How talented is she?!  It totally looks like a graphic.

AND this gorgeous bouquet of flowers also arrived yesterday from my family in Florida and I LOVE them!!! 

Full disclosure - I'm not offended by people who have baby showers. They're just not for me...because I'm crazy.
xoxo
L